I tend to get a little stumped these days when questioned about my occupation. It seems that answering “Trophy Wife” is not actually as hilarious as I thought it was.
The truth is, right now, I am just trying to be me. Figuring out who that is and what I will do, y’know – for money and stuff, without losing sight of her again.
At the moment, I feel more alive and more like the me I always thought that I would become than ever. I’m singing and acting again, writing more than ever, and loving every minute of it! But I don’t know how to add a job to my juggling act without dropping one or all of the other balls. Ideally, I will eventually write something that is published somewhere other than this blog, and manage to somehow earn a quid from my words, but until then it feels fraudulent to call myself a writer.
When does someone who writes, earn the right to call themselves a writer? When they’ve written? When what is written has been read? When writing pays the bills?
For me, it’s just the most fitting title as it is what I do the most. And a lot of the time, it is what stops me from doing other things: I need to be able to get up at 2am and write down whatever thought woke me up before it’s gone forever. I’m not going to sleep if I don’t, anyway. Having to then be at work at 7am to spend the day making coffees (that I need) for other people just doesn’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried. For years.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… “She doesn’t write that much! Hell, I haven’t seen a blog from her in months…” It is true that I am quite sporadic on the blog front. And most other fronts. But the behind-the-scenes are constant. I write most nights. Scripts, stories, lyrics, poetry, blogs, ideas, lists, plans, journal entries… Most of which will never be seen by anyone but me. But in the spirit of the great philosophical peaches like, “If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one there to hear it, does it still make a sound?” and “If a man speaks in the forest and there’s no woman there to correct him, is he still wrong?”, I wonder… If a writer writes and no one reads it, are they still a writer?
I have just applied for a writers residency with JUTE Theatre Company, so maybe if I am accepted to the program I will feel like I can legitimately call myself a writer. Maybe, but probably not. 😉